Christmas Gift

My dear hubby, Rod, is an avid Sunday morning comics reader - altho he reads them Sunday afternoon.  This reading tends to be the only reading that he does unless it is some tech magazine about worship in churches.....but I still love him.  :)

Anyway, the Sunday before Christmas Rod handed me the comics and said "Read Baby Blues.  This is how I feel."

Baby Blues showed the dad in a store and he tells the store clerk that he is looking for a present for his wife that fully expresses how thankful for he is for her.  He goes into much more detail about what he wants this gift to express.  Finally the store clerk looks at him and says "we don't have that here".  The dad says "do you have any push up bras?"

Are you hard to buy for as well?  I guess I have never been one for Christmas lists.  Even as a child, while my sister looked thru catalogs and wrote a LONG, detailed list of all the things she wanted for Christmas, I would simply tell my parents "Surprises".  I wanted to be surprised on Christmas morning as to what was under the wrapping paper.  I think the Christmas list take the surprise (and some fun) out of Christmas.

So, poor Rod struggles trying to come up with a gift for his wife.  We didn't really do much for Christmas presents this year and I think that we were ok with that.  We know that we have all that we need and God has blessed us so much.

So, we said that we would take a get-away together soon.  We haven't done that for almost 2 years.  I'd say it's about time. :)  How do you and your spouse do Christmas?

Post Christmas

Last week was full of craziness and I wish that the craziness was JUST Christmas related.  But, alas, no.  Jared, Maggie and I were all sick.  I wont get into the gory details (and I am sure that you will appreciate that!), but J was sick the weekend before Christmas, Maggie was sick Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and well I was sick Wednesday until Saturday night.  Oh, and then we are having new windows installed.  Yes, one would normally have them done in warmer months but due to things out of our control, they are being done the weeks of Christmas and New Years.

I must admit that I did not handle being sick well on Christmas.  I missed out on some family fun and that was very hard.  There was a huge part of me that felt like after last Christmas we "deserved" a healthy Christmas.  Why should we deserve it any more than anyone else?  I don't know.  But it is what I wanted and it probably doesn't help that my family rarely gets sick.  I mean, besides cancer.  ;)  When Rod reminded me that last year we weren't sure if we'd have a Christmas this year ....things were put more into perspective but it still made me very sad and feeling left out to be missing out on Christmas activities especially with my sister's family as they were only in town for 3 days from Atlanta (We ended up together only a day and a 1/2)

But I did end up making some really good Cinnamon Rolls.  Yes, I know that is bragging but, MAN, they are GUUUOOOD! :)  I basically followed the recipe from  Pioneer Woman  but added brown sugar to the inside and made up my own cream cheese icing.  Her icing, altho I am sure that many people love it, for people like me who have anything BUT an affinity to coffee it sounded really, well...um...icky.  So that was fun to experiment and indulge.

This year when we shared our Jesus stocking, I shared that I wanted to improve my prayer life.  I want to spend more time in prayer instead of just knowing that God already knows what is on my heart.  He wants to hear it from me anyway.  Also,  I want my children to "catch" me praying more.

I have many goals for this coming year and I am sure that I will be sharing them on here.  This blog is one of my goals.  I am wanting to really expand it.  How, I am not sure as my lack of computer intelligence is apalling.  Let me at the human brain and I can sit comfortably and decipher a personality out just fine.  But these stupid computers......  But I digress, yes, I have some goals about this blog......

Got some goals for 2011?

Merriment

I'm sorry all that I haven't been more consistent.  The fun chaos of the Christmas spirit has hit our home.  My kitchen is a disaster - seriously, think that someone took Cinnamon and flour and had a fight with it.  Hopefully the chaos will come to an end today as the goodie bags for teachers must be made up today to be given tomorrow.  I think I have about 8 different things made up.  I have lost count as they are all stashed different places so that they wouldn't be eaten before being able to hand them out.

I am working on a couple of little craft projects....and if I knew that my family for sure wouldn't read this I would tell you all what they are.  Yes, I am goofy and I am a wee bit excited over these little craft things.  Hopefully I can make them look as good in reality as they are in my head.  That is usually my biggest problem translating what I see in my head into reality.  I will take pictures when they are completed and you can judge for yourselves! :)

I thought that I would share with you a Christmas tradition that my mom started when my sister and I were kids. My mom got an extra Christmas stocking and put "Jesus" on the stocking.  Every Christmas morning we would share what we were giving to Jesus that year.  We would write it out on a piece of paper and then we would all share what we were wanting to give to Jesus for the upcoming year.  Yes, I guess it is a bit like a New Year's resolution but when shared among the people that you spend the most time with and can hold you accountable....it has hopefully more meaning.  But what I really like, is that it reminded us what Christmas is really about:  A king that humbled himself to be born in stable to live a faultless loving life to offer himself to save you and me.

I have a gold stocking set up with the other 4 red and green ones.  Our gold one is for Jesus.  It is a tradition that both my sister and I have kept.  Special memories and creates a time of intimacy and seriousness in all of the frivolity.  (Wow, that was a fancy schmancy word, huh? :)  )

Something new that I am going to try doing with my blog is reviewing books.  So stay tuned for that coming up soon ....hopefully (waiting for the book to arrive - it is a Christmas book so I REALLY hope it gets here soon!).

Joy to the World

We've been listening to Christmas music a lot lately in the car.  Joy to the World came on.  As I sat listening, I really thought about the words.  As Christians we have the ultimate reason to have JOY!  Are we living our lives in a way that reflect that?  Even in the midst of life's scary, troubling and painful times - we can have JOY!  An unspeakable JOY!

So here are a couple of songs that reflect that.  Chris Tomlin's Joy to the World

Also, forgive me, but often when I think of Joy I think of this version of Joyful Joyful Lord We Adore Thee.  I wish I could do this song this way.  Joyful Joyful

Oh, to live life in an outward exuberance of the Joy that God can give when we allow Him! :)

Enjoy!


By the way, Maggie's scan came back N.E.D.!!!  No Evidence of Disease!  Just one more reason to by joyful!

Snow is falling

Happy December!

Sorry that I haven't posted for awhile....It has been crazy.

Yesterday was Maggie's birthday.  So Sunday we had a friend party.  She had 8 of her friends come over for a Princess tea party!  I think everyone had fun but oh was I tired at the end of the day.  Grandparents came over at the end and we had the family party immediately after.  Seeing those girls all dressed up in Princess costumes and drinking lemonade from my antique tea cups was priceless.

I told Rod Monday night "Five years ago we were packing to go to the hospital for my scheduled C-section".  I can remember not being able to hold her for at least an hour because I had to be given a spinal and I literally couldn't move from my neck down.  So Rod laid her on my chest.  We named her after 3 of her great-grandmothers.  Margaret is for Rod's 2 grandmas (both of their names are derivatives of Margaret) and Laurette is my gramma. My Gramma was a strong woman: surivived polio, abuse and became a Christian late in life - she loved people and Jesus.  She loved to sing.  So does Maggie.  Maggie often sings.  I think she has a lot of my grandma in her. :)

As new parents, we never know the path that our children will take us on.  We don't have a clue all of the life lessons that our children will "teach" us.  I had no clue 5 years ago sitting in the hospital how much I would learn thru my little girl and how God would use some ugly monster cells to bring us all to know His Love in a much more intimate way.

Yesterday my little "big" girl fell asleep in my lap.  I made her take a nap so that she could stay up and watch "Rudolph".  I looked at her in my arms and saw my baby.  Oh how life has changed in 5 years!

What Lessons has God taught you using your children?

I think that God was laughing at me!

Today I was working on baking for Thanksgiving.  My mom came and hung out with Maggie and me and I should have gotten more down than I did.  My mom took my kids home with her cause she misses them and wants to go nuts while she is preparing to have US over tomorrow for lunch! :)

ANYWAY.....

I am making this pumpkin cake and I need to use the same pan multiple times to bake.  So I put one pan in and go get ready to meet Rod for supper.  I figured that by the time I am ready to go the pan should be done.  I go get ready and LEAVE.  NO, I didn't take the cake out.  TOTALLY FORGOT.

So I meet Rod, we get our food, we are eating.  Then it hits me "I forgot the cake".  Now by this time, the cake has been in the oven for 25 minutes too long.  I run to the car and drive not as fast as I would like to - due to semis and horse trailers and this stupid rain - all of the way home.  I am literally looking over the horizon for smoke coming from the direction of my home.  I drive about 40 mph in my subdivision trying to get to my drive faster.  The whole way home I had prayed and pleaded with God that my house not be damaged - almost to the point of tears.

I pull in  and don't even bother putting my inlaws car into the garage (we have there vehicle b/c I hit a stupid deer one week ago tonite and my van is at the shop) and it is still sitting there.  I look thru the window and do not see smoke.

I open my door and there is no smoke.  I open the oven and pull out the smokeless pumpkin cake and it is done just right.

I call Rod and tell him that everything is ok.  I told him that I wonder if our fancy schmancy oven has an automatic turn off when the timer doesn't get turned off because the oven didn't even seem that hot?  (We had to get this oven b/c we put our oven in our island and it had to be "flat" like our island.  Most ovens have the back that goes up - ours is flat.  So it has a bunch of stuff in it that I don't know how to use and maybe - ok probably most likely - don't even know that it has.)

So do you think that while I was driving following that stupid semi in the rain praying and pleading with God for my house not to be too damaged that He was actually laughing at me?  Do you think that he was hootin' and hollerin' knowing that my oven would turn off on it's own? Somehow, I do.  Wish I could hear it now. :)

I think that sometimes we humans, in our humanity and frailties, are really pretty stinkin' funny.  I think that God has a great sense of humor.  I know that I am pretty hilarious without even trying.  Just ask Rod.  Sometimes we get so worked up over something that God in His Wisdom and Sovereignty has already taken care of.

So,  when has God laughed at you lately?  I shared my embarrassing tale - your turn! :)

By the way this pumpkin cake is going to be FAB!!! :)

Scanxiety

It is a made up word that so describes it all.

Two weeks from today I take Maggie in for her next scan.

The further out from treatment she gets the more nervous I become.  While in treatment, there was something in her body fighting off that cancer.  Sometimes there is even some residual fighting even after the treatments have stopped.  In about 3 weeks, she will have been off all treatment for one year.  That is exciting and scary all at once.  I read every day about children with that nasty neuroblastoma relapsing and docs don't know how to treat it because they threw everything at it to get rid of it the first time.

However, even tho my anxiety is there, I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that NO MATTER WHAT happens....it WILL be ok.  I may not like it, but it will be ok.  God never promised that we will like it all, now did He? :)

Maggie is playing and singing and laughing and dancing.  I look at her and KNOW what God can do.  I also know that nothing can happen that He isn't already in the midst of and because of that it WILL be ok.

Giving Thanks TO

I've been struck by so many people wanting to be thankful each day this time of year.

While I am totally in favor of giving thanks, giving thanks implies that you are thankful TO someone.  I think that we forget that too often.  We will say "I am thankful for "XYZ" and we don't even think of saying who we are giving thanks to.  Remember that there is always Someone to give thanks to.

So here are some things that I am thankful for and to whom

1.  I am thankful to my Lord and my husband for our home.
2.  I am thankful to my Lord for my family.
3.  I am thankful to my husband for making me laugh - sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. :)
4.  I am thankful to my children for their sweet ways of looking at life and how everything can be fixed with a bandaid.
5.  I am thankful to my Lord for not only protecting my marriage but also making it even stronger during a battle that many marriages do not survive.
6.  I am thankful to my mother for helping me learn to cook.
7.  I am thankful to my grandmother who taught me not to be afraid to sing to children in the car.
8.  I am thankful to my father for teaching me it is ok to be an adult and to be silly.
9.  I am thankful to my parents who taught me what it means and looks like to love and serve God.
10.  I am thankful to my Lord that my daughter is healthy.  Altho, I still look to see if she is pale..............
11.  I am thankful to my Lord for showing me that He still wants to use me in spite of all of my failings.
12.  I am thankful to my Rod for loving me thru my tears.
13.  I am thankful to my Lord for creating chocolate.  :)

Just remember to WHOM you are thankful! :)

The World

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father^[d] is not in them.  I John 2:15

There are some things that I really love about the world.  Cinnabon (McDonald's Cinnamon Melts are not bad),  good chocolate, I have a newly acquired love of Dansko shoes.  I love my dishwasher.  I love good movies and good books.  Oh and I love Diet Coke and I HATE coffee! :) 

The question is what makes me different from the rest of the world.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  I feel like many of us Christians have compromised and not only do we live in this world but we are of this world.  You did read that I wrote "we", right?

I live in an Amish community.  Their black/dark clothing with black hats or bonnets make them stand out.  You know they are Amish from a couple hundred feet away.  The horse and buggy is a dead give-away too tho.

But is there something about me that shows that I am God's - that I am set apart?

I kinda feel that we as Christians get as close to that proverbial electric fence as we can without getting too zapped.  Some of us have even convinced ourselves that the zapping feels "good". 

I am not sure who said this (I've heard Einstein?):  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  I think that is what the Christian world is doing.  We do almost the exact same things that the world is doing and we expect different results just because we have the label "Christian". 

One area I feel really convicted about in our family is how we parent our children.  We complain about how the younger generations are falling away from God and yet we raise our children in the exact same way as the world and maybe go to church when our other activities don't supersede them.

So what do you do that makes you different from the "world"? 

Good deal on Toy Story 3 and group

Ok, first of all, I'd like to give more into on what I imagine with this group thing.   I picture getting together once or twice a month (maybe after kiddos are in bed).  I don't want it to be a structured time so that means no Bible Study (I don't want another "to do" added to my list.  I want it to be Christian women who discuss their lives in a inspirational environment where we encourage, challenge and laugh with each other.  So again, let me know if you are interested my email.


Toy Story 3 deal:  This is a fab deal! :)  At CVS if you buy $25 on the P&G items listed on the front page of the add you can get the TS3 dvd for $3.99!  So, I used coupons that I had on Tide laundry detergent, Bounty paper towels, Puffs tissues as well as a CVS coupon for $5 off of $25 and got a great deal.  These are items that we generally need anyway.  I'm saving the video as a Christmas present.  Oh, and it is a REALLY good movie! :)

All right, have fun getting a great deal and let me know if you are interested in the group. :)

Deals

So, I like to go shopping after Halloween.  What do I like to shop for?  Nope, not candy.  I mean, sure, I'd love to have candy around but I really shouldn't.  I'm still looking at all of this excess weight that I gained during Maggie's battle and yep, it ain't goin anywhere - so I definitely don't want to make it any bigger! :)  No, I buy the prepackaged stuff like raisins and cookies etc.  The other day while out I bought 2 bags of individual size boxes of raisins!  Today at CVS, I bought 2 bags of individually packaged bags of pretzels for 3 dollars!  These go great in Jared's lunches or as snacks on the go and the kids feel like it is a real treat.   I would have loved to have grabbed some costumes but I am still not willing to pay the 1/2 price on those costumes!

So here is where I am not really saving money.  I was told that I should get orthopedic inserts b/c of the pain I experience in my shoes.  Well, I am bypassing that to buy some shoes that help my feet without the inserts.  These shoes are pretty expensive, but we figure if I can go without limping and wincing in pain then they might be worth it. Hopefully these shoes will help me to not need surgery down the road.  I figured tho that if I bought the inserts I would probably have to buy new shoes to fit my feet with the inserts anyway......  So right now, I have a pair of "tennis shoes" whatever you want to call them.  They are great.  NO pain.  I also have a pair of Adidas sandals that I wear only around the house.  Again - they are great.  However, I am not generally a tennis shoe type of person.  And they wouldn't "go" with what I wear to church.  Lately church has been my biggest source of foot pain as that is when I want to wear my heals with the pointy toe and within 10 feet of walking I want to cry in pain.  Or I can wear my sandals and well, ummm, it is just too cold for sandals for me.   So I found a pair of shoes that I hoped would work but when I showed them to Rod, he reminded me that this style wouldn't work.   So tomorrow, I get to go shopping and spend lots of money on just one pair of shoes.

Ok, so I would really love to form like a women's group of some sort.  Just a walk thru life together as women who are trying to follow Jesus the best we can kind of a group.  I am looking for women who want to be real and authentic, who want to be challenged and are not afraid of challenging other women and who like good deserts.  :)  I can bake pretty good, I promise.  (hence my weight issue)  Please email me at my email if you are interested. 

Normalcy

The kids had great fun with trick or treating.  Maggie was Cinderella (again) and Jared was a cowboy.  I even used my eyeliner to put a mustache on Jared and my lipgloss on Maggie!  And Rod didn't even care!  I think that doing Trick or Treating on Saturday night meant less trick or treaters and less homes to trick or treat AT.  Oh, well - less candy. I guess that is better for my waist line - or what used to be my waist line.

Maggie woke up at about 2:15 Sunday morning saying her tummy hurt. As she had come into our room (and bed) whimpering, I quickly got her back to her bed and tried to quietly figure out what was happening.  On a side note....trying to talk quietly with a child who has significant hearing loss is not easy.  She didn't have a fever (believe me after a year + of going thru many fevers I KNOW when she is running a fever).  She told me that she didn't think that she had to throw up but I got her a bucket anyway.  I rubbed her back as she laid there and she seemed fine.  I went back to bed.  About 10 minutes later, she yelled for me and when I got to her she was sitting up, holding the bucket.  She had gotten sick.  I cleaned her up and she went right back to sleep (me, that is another story).  When she woke up at 8 everything was fine - she played all day and kept everything in her tummy just fine...not sure what was the cause of the tummy episode.

I wonder when I will stop looking at her lips to see if her coloring is ok.  That is a sign that the cancer is back - low red blood cells.  We didn't realize at the time of her diagnosis how pale she was until we looked back at pictures.  I wonder if we will ever stop being afraid of her relapsing.

I am struggling thru some schtuff.  Part of it is some residual effects of the stress of battling thru "Maggie's Miracle" and, well, some isn't.  The 2 issues definitely impact each other.  I honestly wish that God would give me a 'breather' but He hasn't.  Or maybe He did and I didn't see it to appreciate it.  I keep trying to figure out all of the lessons that God has for me and sometimes in my own hurt and schtuff it is much harder to weed thru the mess to find the gold nugget.

Probably my biggest problem is that I look at everything with a critical eye - and that eye is most often directed at me.  I am my own biggest and toughest critic.  So this schtuff is seen with an analytical counselors eye.  I can't hide things from myself....it just isn't who I am.  So, I am harsh with myself and that makes the schtuff so much harder to work thru.

So, I find it interesting that Maggie has resumed "normalcy" far easier than I have. 

Pruning

Last night I got out before dark and started pruning some bushes.  We have a Rose of Sharon bush that I transplanted from Rod's grandparents house and (what I call) a snowball bush that my parents gave us when Jared was born.  Last fall was crazy so pruning never even reached the to-do list.  They grew like crazy and were very pretty - flowering like crazy - but one in particular was out of control.  Rod referred to it as the jungle.

So I got out and started pruning.  I got thinking about if the bush was glad to get the pruning or if it was hurting from being pruned.  I determined that it will have the winter to recovery and became really excited about what it will look like next spring/summer.    As I kept hacking away at the snowball bush I thought about how God prunes us sometimes.  I thought about how the process of pruning can hurt and yet other times it can feel good to get rid of the stuff that keeps us from being who God wants us to be


I was thinking about some of my clients that I use to counsel.  I remember working with one girl in particular.  She had been abused for someting like 9 years and was just starting to address the issues that arose because of that. She said how much she just wished that she could be healed.  I told her that sometimes uses the process for a reason.  God could very well just "snap his fingers" and "prune" us but He uses the process to help mold us into the person he wants us to be.


So heres to getting the most out of the process.

Life keeps moving on. :)

This afternoon Maggie will get half of her immunizations - either 3 or 4.  These are the ones that a newborn would get.  She will get the other half in a couple of days.  Then in 2 months she'll get another group and so on and so on......  I told her about it and she seemed fine.  But that was around lunch time.  We'll see when we get closer to the apt.  Oh, and the rest of us have been told (by her oncologist) to get the flu shot.  Luckily, they have been able to combine the flu shot and the H1N1!

So, since this apt is right before supper time....crock pot to the rescue! :)  I am making one of the fam's favorites and oh so easy!  Cut up potatoes, cut up smoked sausage, and 2 or 3 cans of green beans.  LOVE IT! 

I was doing my Beth Moore study on Esther.  She writes that "Satan's most effective tactic with yours truly has been to trap me in mental torment".  Yes we are to take our thoughts captive and to think on positive things.  How true, that when we don't do that, we become captive to those negative thoughts. 

So, Maggie continues her journey to normal life.  On a side note, she didn't get to go to Library Story hour because she has been pretty disrespectful and disobedient.  I would have kept her home from church last night but I don't like to use church as a consequence.  Oh AND I finally got her to take a nap.  Hopefully that will help us all! :)

Crockpots

So, I love the crockpot.  I have found that I can use the crockpot and save time and money.  I used it yesterday for a new recipe with chicken and white beans.  It was really good.  I got to use items from my stockpile even!  Yes, I am one of those crazy women who buys multiples of items when they are at a really low price - especially of items we use often.  Rod at times makes fun of me....but I think there is a huge part of him that truly appreciates it.  I love the stress free time of 4 o'clock when I use the crock pot cause my meal is already done! :)

I got info that Maggie will be getting all of her vaccinations again.  She is one year (plus a little) so her immune system is hopefully ready to get these immunizations.  She is going to have to get 7 (one is the flu shot)  I haven't told her yet.  I think that we are going to split them up - 3 one time and 4 another.  Then more in another 2 months.  and then more in another.......  Yep just like a baby.  Poor girl. 

I want to say thanks to Erica for being willing to share with my last post - Erica you comment meant tons to me :).  I guess I was hoping for more responses.  Honestly that was a little discouraging.

Just got my first email about Black Friday and what the sales will be.  Hopefully I will get some good ideas for the kids.  Everytime Mags goes to clinic she gets more princess stuff.  I feel like that there can't possibly be anything else made for princesses.  We'll have to see what I can come up

Friendships of Women

My mom gave the book a while ago.  Maybe I should read it. Because I think that I am clueless.

I recently read Lisa Whelchel's book "Friendships for Grownups" (yes, Blair from Facts of Life) about how she has struggled with friendships and, in many ways, I could so relate with her story.  Obviously I did not grown up on tv, but I had life situations that held me back from learning about friendships.   For ex:  I am great about talking to new people etc.  but when I see women who already have friends and their own little "clique" I know I am not a part.  I perceive (whether correctly or not) that those women are not looking for new friendships.  Friendships are almost harder for me since Maggie's illness.  People think that they know me from reading the Caringbridge....and that is just a small glimpse of me and often times it is/was the me I wanted to be.  I think people find me intimidating because I am such a "say what I mean, mean what I say" person.  I find it hard to hide what I feel.  I am constantly working on it and am still a work in progress. 

But then I hear almost every other woman say similar things about "wanting women friends" and "being lonely" etc etc.  Yesterday, in the Esther study by Beth Moore, Beth talks about women wanting friendships and yet feeling so alone and that it is one of the hardest things about being a woman.  Do you agree?

So I am trying to figure out why friendships among women are so difficult if we all want them so badly?  Why do we make it so difficult?  We all want to have people to share with but are all so scared to stick out our necks for fear of rejection?  If only we could remember all of the women who feel the exact same way?  I need to remember if I "stick my neck out" and am rejected then that woman is not worthy of my friendship anyway, right?  Seems so simple....


I am trying to get a handle on this friendship thing and, honestly, it really bugs me sometimes.  All right, it more than bugs me and a lot more that sometimes.

So what do you do about friendships with other women?  Seriously.  What do you do?  How do you handle those times when you feel lonely?  What do you do when you perceive that everyone else has met their quota of friendships and doesn't need your friendship?  How do you know when other women would like your friendship?  What do you do when you feel left out?  Cause I think, if we were all brutally honest with ourselves and each other - we've all been there....more times than we'd like to share.  But life is about doing it together.  So, what do you do?

Today was just what I needed. 

I ran to get Maggie today and found that my favorite cheap place to get pumpkins was up and running.   I can get decent sized pumpkins for $2!!  I picked out 2, paid and went to pick up Mags.  The kids were so excited.  So after we ate supper, we went to the picnic table to make our "jack-o-lanterns".  Maggie was not too thrilled with touching the "gunk" inside.  Finally, she did it. I will try to post pics maybe tomorrow, but we all had so much fun.  I think that my pumpkin that I carved turned out pretty good.  Then we carried them and put them out at the front door.  Then I told the kids that we should make a pile of leaves. What joy to watch them jump into pile.  Jared would take about a 10 yard running start.  So funny. Then the kids went off to play with the dogs across the street.  I am not sure who got worn out more the dogs or Jared.  :)  Gave the kids  showers and then put them to bed.  Then I got to color my hair! :)  In between I got to watch the end of a chick flick!  Now,  I have been seeing more and more greys in my hair.  I have totally earned each and every one of them and I believe that I have totally earned the right to color them! :)

I have been feeling really discouraged and today was just what I needed.  My sleep deprivation continues so that doesn't help at all.  But there is something completely joyful in seeing bliss in my childrens eyes.  It helped to just be able to laugh as a family and remember what is truly important and that this little issue (that has been bugging me) is not really all that important.  God really knew what I needed at just the right time.  I am not really all that surprised by that  as He has shown himself in the past.

I am totally loving the fact that I made out a list of possible meals to make.  It has made things so much easier!!  I found  a huge list of crock pot recipes - I'll try to post about those sometime.

Lukewarm

So I go to take my shower this morning and Rod warns me that it will probably have to be fast as he took a really hot long shower.  After jabs going back and forth between us :) (admittedly, I do the same to him)  I took my shower.  It seemed like every 30 seconds or so I kept turning the heat up until, well, it was as far as it would go.  Obviously it was time to move very quickly and get done and outta there.  When I realized that I was then taking a lukewarm shower, I was reminded about what the Bible says about being Lukewarm and the book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

In Revelations, God says that if we are lukewarm He is going to spit us out.  Chan takes that to mean that if we are lukewarm that we are not true Christians.  And after the conviction of that and how Chan explained it, I agree with him.  Lukewarm water is so frustrating - it can be so deceptive.  Sometimes it feels warmer in spots and just when you start to get comfy it feels cold again.  Do you think that is why God doesn't like lukewarm - because it makes us more confused by the deception?  I am working on staying on fire.  What do you do to stay on fire?

So, Rod is working late again tonite and so I think that the kids and I might make caramel apples!  I got some caramel specifically for making caramel apples at Pinehill.  For you local people, if you don't use Pinehill, you don't know what you are missing!  It is an Amish run store - I actually am friends with the owner, Mary.  Mary buys salvaged items or items that are seasonal.  For ex:  In March one year I bought salsa that had Superbowl advertising all over it.  It was still good and within date but was pulled off the shelf b/c it was past the superbowl and was only $1 (maybe less).  Anyway, great prices on stuff.  If you want more info let me know.  People drive from like an hour radius just to come to this tiny Amish run store! :)

So, caramel apples and being lukewarm.  I think I might need a nap today. Jared had a bad dream and came into bed with us - meaning me.  He only stayed a couple of minutes but it took me 3 hours to get back to sleep.  (Rod says he slept bad - do you think that it was b/c I poked him to make him stop snoring?)  I love that my kids come to me to feel safe, but wish we could relegate the timing of it.  Nap might need to wait as I need to run to the store and get milk....oh and might stop and get hair color.  I am getting a streak of grey!  If you are doing the Esther study by Beth Moore, like I am,  I am not feeling convicted about the vanity of that.  Just so you know! : P

Not feeling the best

So, for the last couple of weeks I have been struggling.  I have never been a fabulous sleeper.  So when you combine that with the sleep deprivation of the past however many months and now that is catching up with me.  I also have incredible feet problems - long story short - I have flat feet and spending any length of time on my feet puts me in excruciating pain.  I am actually going to get orthodic shoe inserts.  Feel like an old women just writing that.  But sometimes I just want to cry b/c of how tired I am and other times because of how bad my feet are killing me.  I am hoping that the orthotics and their ugliness will be worth it.  (altho the foot doc said that there is a good shoe store at the outlet mall for wearing with orthotics.

I write that because I feel like Satan is attacking me thru my body.  I feel my energy and zeal is being zapped.  I guess, I am glad that I realize this now so that I can stop it from happening.  I must get myself back in gear and take care of myself so that I don't fall apart physically or spiritually.  I find that our physical selves will so impact our spiritual sides.  I need to be proactive in taking care of both aspects so that I stay at my best for my God and my family. :)

On a side note, I wrote last time about making a menu out of my food pantry.  I came up with about 20 meals.  Now, I didn't assign them to a specific date but, for me, just having that list is liberating.  I know what I can fix quick and easy!  There are only a few things that I need to complete each meal.  However,  I did realize that there are some great sales happening.

Rentown is having boneless chicken breasts on sale for $1.49/lb!  Also, they have flour on sale which is really great for this time of year with getting ready for the holidays!

For those interested, I think I am going to have to give Maggie a trim of her bangs tonite! :)  She and I are very excited about that!

So, how is Satan attacking you and what are you going to do about it?

Fall

I absolutely love fall.  I love being able to cuddle under a blanket, wear sweaters, baking, soup making, see the changing colors.....etc.etc. etc....  I love seeing the leaves on the trees and farmers in the field.  I was thinking that one year ago Maggie (and I) were in the hospital right now with her 2nd transplant.  I remember the feeling of almost surprise when I drove home for my quick time with Rod and Jared each week  while I looked at how much had changed in the colors.  

It feels so good to watch the changes as they occur gradually this time instead of all at once. :)  Until I got behind a tractor hauling 2 grain wagons that were fish-tailing on the highway and I couldn't pass.  :)

Just got a phone call from Maggie's doc.  I hate it when the docs call b/c they never call and it is usually bad when they call - but not this time.  She stated again that Maggie's scan showed 'no sign of neuroblastoma' and her urine numbers look good.  Maggie's immune system is also looking good.  Her numbers are not quite normal but they are "good enough" to start on her vaccinations.  Now, I am not necessarily looking forward to doing pokes again but the fact that Maggie's body keeps healing is enormous!!!  At least I don't have to give her these shots.  

I think that I am going to try my hand at menu planning in October.  This is where I will plan a whole months worth of suppers.  That way I know what I need to buy at the store and use up what I have.  I also am not so tempted to order pizza!  So I need to get that done before Friday!

Ok, so God is challenging me to do something and I am struggling.  Not only am I fearful of doing this but also I am not being as self disciplined in following thru.  I have shared with a few people what this challenge is but I am not ready to share with everyone.  Sorry - my fear :)   But please feel free to keep me accountable on my follow thru.

Remember to keep looking for how God is showing Himself to you!

Here goes!

I've thought about doing this for awhile.  To be completely honest, I am not sure that I will have anything to share that will be worth "following" a blog for. :)  So please don't feel compelled to read this just "to be nice"! :)

So, what will I write about? 

Well, if you noticed I entitled this blog "God wants us to live BIG lives".  I wrote that as a reminder to myself of all that I have learned in the past 18 months or so.  I have some clues as to what God is leading me to but I still need to be reminded to follow thru and to step out in faith.  SO....some of my writing will be about what God is doing all around.

I will also write about my family.  I am so stinkin' in love with my hubby.  Rod and I have been through so much together.  We love to laugh and make each other laugh - especially when we are arguing.  He is my anchor in the midst of lifes storms.  He brings stability to my life - he is so even-keeled.  Drives me crazy - but I love him for it too.  We definitely balance each out in many ways.  I love him more than anyone - sometimes it is a conscience choice! :)  But most of the time it comes easy.

Jared is our 6 year old 1st grader.  He is so stinkin' smart!  He has a huge heart and strives so hard to please.  He makes me so happy to watch his imagination just explode.


Maggie is almost 5 and in preschool.  She is our little cancer survivor and how God showed his many miracles to us.  She absolutely loves people and everything girly.

I am also all about saving money.  I feel that part of my job is to find ways of getting the most for our money.  So I will most likely share some of my discoveries.

Tonite the kids and I are doing 'movie night'.  We had homemade pizza and we are watching (ok mostly them) Princess and the Frog - for the 2nd time.  Rod is working a wedding rehearsal.  He should be home soon.  The kids love these nights and ask for them regularly.  How easy to rent a movie from the library and hang at home and in the process make our children happy.  I made a pumpkin dessert.  Usually we have popcorn but Jared requested a dessert.... which unfortunately for my waist line - I was happy to oblige.

I should probably write about how I am going to lose weight.  Ummmm....yeah right.:)  Eventually :)

First Post!

Ok, So, I said that I would try this thing out.  I'll have to play around with the setup of this thing.

Just feeling really blessed today! :)