Monday, November 1, 2010


The kids had great fun with trick or treating.  Maggie was Cinderella (again) and Jared was a cowboy.  I even used my eyeliner to put a mustache on Jared and my lipgloss on Maggie!  And Rod didn't even care!  I think that doing Trick or Treating on Saturday night meant less trick or treaters and less homes to trick or treat AT.  Oh, well - less candy. I guess that is better for my waist line - or what used to be my waist line.

Maggie woke up at about 2:15 Sunday morning saying her tummy hurt. As she had come into our room (and bed) whimpering, I quickly got her back to her bed and tried to quietly figure out what was happening.  On a side note....trying to talk quietly with a child who has significant hearing loss is not easy.  She didn't have a fever (believe me after a year + of going thru many fevers I KNOW when she is running a fever).  She told me that she didn't think that she had to throw up but I got her a bucket anyway.  I rubbed her back as she laid there and she seemed fine.  I went back to bed.  About 10 minutes later, she yelled for me and when I got to her she was sitting up, holding the bucket.  She had gotten sick.  I cleaned her up and she went right back to sleep (me, that is another story).  When she woke up at 8 everything was fine - she played all day and kept everything in her tummy just fine...not sure what was the cause of the tummy episode.

I wonder when I will stop looking at her lips to see if her coloring is ok.  That is a sign that the cancer is back - low red blood cells.  We didn't realize at the time of her diagnosis how pale she was until we looked back at pictures.  I wonder if we will ever stop being afraid of her relapsing.

I am struggling thru some schtuff.  Part of it is some residual effects of the stress of battling thru "Maggie's Miracle" and, well, some isn't.  The 2 issues definitely impact each other.  I honestly wish that God would give me a 'breather' but He hasn't.  Or maybe He did and I didn't see it to appreciate it.  I keep trying to figure out all of the lessons that God has for me and sometimes in my own hurt and schtuff it is much harder to weed thru the mess to find the gold nugget.

Probably my biggest problem is that I look at everything with a critical eye - and that eye is most often directed at me.  I am my own biggest and toughest critic.  So this schtuff is seen with an analytical counselors eye.  I can't hide things from just isn't who I am.  So, I am harsh with myself and that makes the schtuff so much harder to work thru.

So, I find it interesting that Maggie has resumed "normalcy" far easier than I have. 


  1. if you were 4.... and you'd only had 4 years to sort through, even if one of them was VERY difficult.... you may be able to return to normalcy a little quicker too :)

  2. Oh Rachel! I don't know what to say except that I am praying for you...really, truly praying.

    I'm not an expert by any means, but I think, in time, you will find your new normal. In the meantime, I hope things slow down enough that you can at least regain your balance and catch up on some of that missed sleep.

    Good luck and I hope Maggie's vomiting episode was just a passing thing.


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