Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Friendships of Women

My mom gave the book a while ago.  Maybe I should read it. Because I think that I am clueless.

I recently read Lisa Whelchel's book "Friendships for Grownups" (yes, Blair from Facts of Life) about how she has struggled with friendships and, in many ways, I could so relate with her story.  Obviously I did not grown up on tv, but I had life situations that held me back from learning about friendships.   For ex:  I am great about talking to new people etc.  but when I see women who already have friends and their own little "clique" I know I am not a part.  I perceive (whether correctly or not) that those women are not looking for new friendships.  Friendships are almost harder for me since Maggie's illness.  People think that they know me from reading the Caringbridge....and that is just a small glimpse of me and often times it is/was the me I wanted to be.  I think people find me intimidating because I am such a "say what I mean, mean what I say" person.  I find it hard to hide what I feel.  I am constantly working on it and am still a work in progress. 

But then I hear almost every other woman say similar things about "wanting women friends" and "being lonely" etc etc.  Yesterday, in the Esther study by Beth Moore, Beth talks about women wanting friendships and yet feeling so alone and that it is one of the hardest things about being a woman.  Do you agree?

So I am trying to figure out why friendships among women are so difficult if we all want them so badly?  Why do we make it so difficult?  We all want to have people to share with but are all so scared to stick out our necks for fear of rejection?  If only we could remember all of the women who feel the exact same way?  I need to remember if I "stick my neck out" and am rejected then that woman is not worthy of my friendship anyway, right?  Seems so simple....

I am trying to get a handle on this friendship thing and, honestly, it really bugs me sometimes.  All right, it more than bugs me and a lot more that sometimes.

So what do you do about friendships with other women?  Seriously.  What do you do?  How do you handle those times when you feel lonely?  What do you do when you perceive that everyone else has met their quota of friendships and doesn't need your friendship?  How do you know when other women would like your friendship?  What do you do when you feel left out?  Cause I think, if we were all brutally honest with ourselves and each other - we've all been there....more times than we'd like to share.  But life is about doing it together.  So, what do you do?


  1. Rachel,

    I truly struggle with the same thing. Mine is truly that if I give too much of myself I am gonna get hurt. When I was younger, I didn't have trouble making/having friends but a couple of friends really took advantage of our friendship and I was hurt really bad. I have since tried twice to form a solid friendship with someone only to find out that they only wanted things from me. It hurts. I am also having trouble connecting with women because I have young children when most of my friends have teenagers.

    I have recently been trying to become more involved in the Wednesday night group at church. It has helped me tremendously. Not only spending time with women but also having adult interaction.

    I appreciate so much that you are a "real" woman with real feelings, real personality, and a real love for the Lord. You also have real hurts and make real mistakes. What I can appreciate most of all is that you search for real answers from God as well as friends.

    Everything that you have been through and everything that you are is an inspiration to me.

    Thank you for sharing your heart.

  2. Rachel:

    I swear I just spent 45 minutes writing a response to your blog post but I lost the whole enchilada when I tried to post it because I wasn't signed into Wordpress. I hate computers sometimes.

    I don't have time to retype my response now (children and husbands have to eat after all), but please know that I found your post thought provoking and that I, too, struggle with making and nourishing successful friendships. It's something I really should work on more than I do, but it's hard. It's really, really hard. Being lonely is difficult, but it's easier sometimes than taking that step outside my comfort zone.

    Please know that I am reading your blog and that I will comment as much as I am able. It takes me so long to compose thoughtful responses that sometimes it's easier to just not respond at all.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    Stephanie (from MommySavers)

  3. Wow...great post! We've lived in our current area for almost 6 years and I just now feel like I am making friends....and I've been hurt numerous times in the process of looking....


Thank you so much for leaving a comment - they mean the world to me! I love to read them and promise to come visit your site too!