In March, I had to take Maggie in for her 6 month scan. In all reality, it was just a tiny blip on our calendar. We had to get there early - about 7:15 a.m. so she could have her IV inserted and be ready for the "contrast" for the MRI.
Everything went smoothly. She breezed thru the IV insertion (and blood draw) and the MRI. Then we went upstairs to actually see the pediatric oncologist.
We met the new oncologist that day. She is the #2 for the head of the dept.
She walked in and said that Maggie's blood count looked good. Because we had been waiting for so long, the radiologist had actually already written up the report on Maggie's MRI. In the oncology world, this never happens. If you get a report back on the same day it is usually just a verbal one. So we had THE written report.
The report said that the spots on Maggie's liver are growing. Let's back-track a little. The docs have been seeing tiny little spots on Maggie's liver. Everyone had kind of chocked it up to iron (the more technical term for it is Ferritin) that people can get when they have lots of blood transfusions. Maggie probably had 60+ blood transfusions. I lost track.
Anyway....now the spots are BIGGER. She hasn't had a transfusion in close to 3 years. My stomach flip flopped. Maggie was watching the Disney channel and was pretty much oblivious to what was being discussed.
Of course, having gone thru ALL that we have with Maggie and always being afraid of relapse as there is no known cure for relapsed Neuroblastoma (since they throw everything at it to begin with...) this is never anything you want to hear. Spots.....MRI..........Bigger..........Second Opinion from Riley.
I was scared, but couldn't show it to Maggie because it could be nothing. A blip. But it could be......... We came to church that night and sat in Rod's office and I remember the fear and the tears and the choking it back down.
I was more than afraid I was terrified.
What if the cancer is back?
What if our world gets turned upside down?
What if I have to travel all over the U.S. to find the right specialist?
What if our family is spread out again?
What if we miss out on things as a family?
Somehow, God started speaking to me. That isn't the "somehow". I should say that God started speaking to me and SOMEHOW I heard him thru my fear. He told me that the lessons that he taught me during her cancer battle are not null and void. They are still true. He is still the same. He is still the same GOD. He healed her.
HE HEALED HER.
And even if.....even if cancer came back....He was still the same God. It would be ok. She would be safe in his arms. My family is safe with HIM. I AM SAFE WITH HIM!
The next evening, I had to go teach a class for a local college. I asked for prayer about the scans and spots with Maggie. They all showed concern and prayed.
I never mentioned it again. Why? Because God has it all handled. I have peace about it. It is a done deal.
On the last night of the class, one of my students asked me about it. I told her that we finally heard back from Riley and that no one thinks that it is cancer. It is growing too slowly. If we want to, we could do an ultrasound and double-check it. We would be doing the ultrasound the next morning.
She asked why I wasn't asking for more prayer about it.
That question startled me. WHY WASN'T I? Why wasn't I asking everyone to pray for the ultrasound and those tiny little spots freckling her liver?
Partly it was due to not feeling connected to this class as I often do with other classes.
More so, I felt like I already knew the answer. God had it under control.
She did the ultrasound and they took more blood. Her liver looks fine and they couldn't see the spots on her liver in the Ultrasound that the MRI found.
God has it all under control and we are still SAFE - even if the worst happens.