I've always struggled with being a Stay at Home Mom. For one thing, I think that I am more than "just" a mom. I don't know of a title that I really like: Homemaker sounds too much like June Cleaver, Domestic Engineer sounds too much like I am trying to make up for something. I guess I am still working on a "title". Another thing is that I don't feel like I am using all of the talents that God has given me. I have never felt fulfilled by changing diapers, cleaning bathrooms or running a vacuum (maybe that is why my house is a mess?!?)
But I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where GOD has me. But can I be vulnerable and tell you that I really really struggle with it? Not with being a mom but with the "stay at home" part.
When Maggie was diagnosed with cancer my role took a huge turn. I had to become a nurse to Mags; hooking up meds to that tube that stuck out her chest, giving her so many stinkin' shots, forcing her to take her meds, keeping track of which med to take and when, talking to the docs, making and keeping track of all too many appointments. I got stinkin' good at it. And for the first time in quite a while, I was fulfilled. Maybe it was just that we were so busy with getting thru that time in as positive way as we could....I don't know.
Now Maggie is better and will start kindergarten this fall. I'm finding normal. And I applied for a job. A position that fits what I trained for many years to be. I interviewed for the job. I talked about this job. I knew that whatever happened that it would be "ok". God had taught me about His Faithfulness to me that I at least knew THAT much. I knew I would be disappointed either way the outcome was: if I didn't get it I would be disappointed, if I did get it it would be hard to transition to being a working mom. I tried to keep it kinda quiet, but I still talked about it more than I should've.....
Because I didn't get the job.
At first I was really disappointed. And after about 2 hours or so of disappointment.....God reminded me.
He reminded me that He has something for me to do that I keep putting off because of fear. I talked about it here. I used/am still using a ton of excuses as to why I haven't gotten it done.
Guess what! Maggie will be in school every morning and I will have the house to myself. Do you think God wants me to be without excuses or what?
So what excuses is God taking away from you so that you will do what He has asked of you?
Put me on the list to buy your book! I think you should go for it! I love reading your insights and I think you would really bless others by sharing them as well.
ReplyDelete