A Return to Me.......

This past Saturday, I (with Rod's help) started to truly attack the basement.  I had begun working on it on Friday and after my parents left with our kiddos on Saturday I asked Rod to help me work on our basement.

Now first, before I go further, you must understand some things.  2/3 of our basement is finished and (for now) is a play place for J&M - it will be turned into the family room and eventually Rod will purchase his big screen TV. The other 1/3 is well storage and laundry.  Everything seems to get buried in there.  We have boxes that we've only gone thru one time since we moved here 8 and 1/2 years ago - ya know - childhood stuff that we weeded thru even then - the last time that they were gone thru and ROD still had 3 BOXES of stuff to weed thru (ended up with 1/2 of a box!  Go Rod - I am proud of you!)  Yes he finally got rid of the paint for models that he hasn't touched in oh, about 20 years. He asked me how long paint lasts.  I told him "Not that long."  He said "So not 20 years?" "NO!"  He very excitedly handed over his old Hot Wheels and Jared was so excited about Rod's Dukes of Hazard Set and the Dukes of Hazard poster (looks like it was from Scholastic).

My issue is paper and junk that I never seem to know what to do with.  It ends up in piles and if I don't get to it fast enough then it goes in tubs and "disappears" into a space that is hidden from visitors site - usually our bedroom.

I started going thru stuff and pitching like CRAZY!

This was just the start.  The pile for garage sale/goodwill is ENORMOUS!

Oh, Look what I found!  It is the top of this desk that we use for storage!

Do you see that water jug underneath the desk?  Yes, this desk was so completely buried (on top, the sides, surrounded) that we had no clue that water bottle was even there!

Yes, our storage was, and still is that out of control - which is why I am tackling it.  Please remember that oh, 16 months ago we had our own mini (ok, much bigger than mini but our house wasn't demolished) Extreme Home Makeover to get Maggie home after stem cell transplant.  EVERYTHING in our home was moved around so that EVERYTHING could be painted and carpeted etc.  I had gone thru a lot of it a year ago but only so that we could have a walkway to get to our laundry area a little easier and to get the kids stuff back into their rooms etc.

As I started weeding thru things and Rod started reminiscing about each item in his boxes (love you honey!) I uncovered a couple of tubs that had been buried.  I set them aside as they had my "paper stuff that I never know what to do with" junk in it.

Oh, for those that were curious here is where the score board is right now -

In front of the scoreboard are some small particle board book shelves that probably should be trashed and a lot of the stuff that is up close is the giveaway pile (yes, I even have Rod giving up his "collection" of hats - love IWU but that hat is DATED!).  You can see the silver trim of the 1950s kitchen table that will be moved over to the finished side - once we can get to it.  :)

So after working down there for about 3 hours weeding thru stuff, pitching out things, trashing and overhauling we stopped for supper. Gotta love those Bertoli meals for such a time as this.

Anyway...

After supper I pulled out that tub of my paper stuff that I don't know what to do with.  And started going thru it.  Quite honestly, it was time capsule.  It was my life 2 years ago - right before Maggie's diagnosis.  There were brochures etc from the anniversary trip that Rod and I had just gotten back from and I didn't know what to do with (surprise).  There was a bag of jewelry that I had totally forgotten about that I must have taken either on our trip or to the hospital the first time or both.  There were my First Place books (I had looked for those!) and some others that I had taken on our trip to read on the plane etc.  It felt so odd to be looking at all of that.  Almost like I was stepping back in time and picking up right where I had left off.  I had this surreal feeling the rest of the evening and I couldn't really put my hands on it.

Sunday morning (before church) was a morning of reflection for me.  Rod was already at church and the kids were still with the grandparents.  I guess it was 'good' timing and a God thing.  I guess the best way to say it is that I am finding myself again.  For 2 years, my life stopped - you know things that a woman does for herself that is just for her.  Some women scrapbook, some work outside the home, some women decorate, some women.....  I had given up a huge part of me.  I had loved teaching - I was good at it - but I had to give it up to take care of my family during a crisis.  There were other things that I did that I didn't do anymore ...All my energy went there to my family and I do not regret that at all.  It is the way it is and the way it had to be.  That is what we do as women... as mothers.

I am finding myself all over again.  In many ways, my "recovery" has been much longer than Maggie's - isn't it amazing how kids are like that?  She truly doesn't even remember much of her treatment - doesn't remember much of her stays at Riley or receiving chemo or radiation or ... or... or she remembers it b/c of pictures.  She does remember the Make A Wish trip. :)

The last several months have been, for me, a finding myself again.  It is fun!  But I mourn what my family has lost over the last 2 years. This recovery is hard - figuring out myself again after losing a big part of me, figuring out friendships....

 I shared all of this with Rod yesterday and asked if it made sense and he said yes.  Maybe it won't make sense to most who read this.  I don't know.  Just had to share what God is doing.