Learning

Our son is angry at me and his sister.

What did we do?

She got cancer and I wasn't around home much.  She got spoiled (still is) and I was gone taking care of her in the hospital.  It, uh, kinda interrupted our life, our home, our family.  Interrupted is a "nice" word for it.

Do I know that this is the reason.  no.  But this is beyond normal sibling stuff.  My gut says that I am right...

The mommy in me wants to say "I don't care why he is mad.  His behavior is not ok."  The counselor in me says "That poor little boy missed out on so much."  Then the mommy in me just wishes there had been 2 of me. That somehow I could have been cut in 2 so that one of me was with each child when they were hurting the most.  But I couldn't.  I can't.  And even if I went back in time I don't think that I could've/would've done anything different.

He is a lot like me.  So much like me, that it is scary and, yet, he is better than me.  He is smarter than I am
(hope that he never reads that - or at least not until he is much older).  It is not that he knows more....he doesn't -  but his capacity to learn is so HUGE!  Like bordering on genius.  I am not joking.  He is a thinker (like me) but understands more than I ever did at the age of 7.  He has a huge heart and cares deeply about people.

So, I called my mom as I was driving to the store to tell her how she could pray for him.  Us.  Our little family.

As we talked,  I realized how hard I was to parent.  I was just like him.  My mom said how she feels for me and doesn't want me to make the same "mistake" with him as she did with me.  Poor mom.  I was a kid that was full of myself.  I was wrong and made mistakes and was stubborn.

But now I see.  I see the whole picture a little more clearly.  I see my boy a little more clearly.